I’ve been living on coffee and nicotine …

… and my body feels about ready to collapse at any second. I do this thing where I either binge eat or eat nothing at all. Just one more totally fucked-up thing about being me, but I hear it’s pretty common. Stars are dancing in the corner of my eyes and I’m supposed to be a journalist and it’s all I can do to sit here and look like I’m not working and not scream my fucking head off because I’m so strung out. Everyone has bad days, and this would be one of them for me. I’m feeling more unsure than usual. Is it because I haven’t had any food? Is it because I’m unhappy? Do I need therapy? I fucking have no idea.

I want to be a kid again and have no responsibility. This is all a horrible, fucking joke.

Burning it down.

I made it three days without a cigarette, and gave in today.

I’m sorry. I can go without drinking, without sex, without everything else … just give me one vice, so I can flick away ashes in 90-degree heat. Give me something to burn while I wonder how I got here.